how do you say goodbye?

This is the saddest weekend ever. There are things in life that stink and this is one of them. I've lost many loved pets before but this one is ripping my heart in half. The waiting is the worst. She became sick on Saturday and have had to just stand by and wait until Monday. We love our Emma girl so much. It's the girl's first real experience with death. To them they are losing not just a pet but a friend. I will spare the words that they have said, but it's been pretty horrible. The "why does she have to go?" questions are too much to bear. It's just so so sad.

When I was pregnant with Bailey I lost my college cat. I was heart broken. I was moving in with Kip and his cat didn't like me. I'm not really sure how it happened but one day at work a friend said that she knew someone with kittens. I drove there after work and brought this tiny meowing kitty back with me. Kip didn't really want another cat, but with my pregnant hormones raging he agreed. It wasn't long before he was just as smitten with her as I was.

We will miss the lump that is always under our covers. She would snuggle in underneath and sleep all day. Around 7pm she would come wandering about. At bed time she would walk around and meow for a few minutes before coming back to our bed with us. I will miss Megan's little voice saying "heyyyy girl" and kissing her head. I will miss Bailey chasing her around and trying to carry her. I will miss hearing Kip say "there's no room for you cat!" as she snuggles up on his lap no matter if there is room or not (he always made room). I will miss hearing "you're her cat" and pointing to me because there was a time when it was quite clear Emma preferred Kip over me. She LOVED to be scratched by her tail and would sit for hours and let you do that. She also tolerated the dog. They never really played together but she made it clear that she was in charge and he obeyed. We would come home and the dog would be on the back of the couch and she would be on the seat. They had a friendship and I'm sure he will be sad without her.

She was grouchy but in a funny way. She was very sweet when she wanted to be but for the most part she kept to herself. She used to bite Megan all the time when she was little :). She was not a "kid" cat by any means but I think she loved them just the same. For never being an outdoor cat she had hunter instincts and killed the few mice that had snuck into our home. When she was a kitten she would make a nest in my very long hair and knead her little kitten claws into my head.

Nine years just isn't fair. She should have much more life to spend with us. We will miss her dearly and think of her with fondness. We love you Emma.

2 months in

2 months in and I'm still unpacking. I am so close to being done. It's hard when it's HOT outside and the beautiful lake is calling. There are so many unexpected things that I'm slowly getting used to, things that I didn't think would bother me. And things that I thought would be an issue are not really at all.

The air conditioners and house fan. The heat does not bother me like I thought but the noise from all of the units running are driving me crazy. By the end of the day I cannot wait to shut everything off and have quiet. The constant buzzing everywhere takes some getting used to.

I'm noticing the lack of windows on the side of the house that we spend most of our time in. I'm thinking that if it is structurally feasible we will put windows in on either side of the fireplace some day. I find myself always wanting to be in the office because I can see outside.

There is a wall that separates where you walk in from the kitchen. It's a little strange to people first coming in. They don't know what way to go. I don't think there is anything we can do about it. I wouldn't mind opening up the doorways a bit wider so that there is less wall. This of course is a dream for 10 years from now :).

I cannot talk myself into picking up a paintbrush. We still have 2 rooms that need painting upstairs and two hallways. I think about it constantly but I just cannot bring myself to start.

Overall I'm happy with the house. Once it's closer to being finished I'm sure it will feel more like home. I still feel like we are living in someone else's house. I do know that we need rugs. The bedrooms echo terribly and little girl screeches are magnified!

Happy Monday!

I am.

I started writing this post titled "I am." After I read it I realized that it was just a bunch of whining. Really I have nothing to be upset about. I've been feeling a lot of disappointed thoughts lately but really the only person who can change that is myself. So I am rewriting this post with a positive twist.

I am grateful for this home that we cannot completely remodel in one month. It is far too much work and money for it to be perfect. Our family makes it a home anyways, not the trim or the 80's ceiling fans. I'm learning to let go.

I am patiently waiting to see what my next career move is. I had two opportunities materialize and now they seem to be fading. I am trying to figure out what it all means and once again should I just be happy where I am. I dreamed that I would run companies and head marketing campaigns, I thought I would teach children and change lives...maybe the lives I'm changing are right here in this house. I am okay with that.

I am blessed beyond measure for my husband. I've been giving a lot of thought on our relationship and how we can sustain it for the next 50+ years. We are so good together, I don't want to ever lose sight of that.

I am ready for summer. To sleep in and stay up late. To smell the beach on my kids and wash their stinky feet covered in the adventures from our day. Everyone asks what I have my kids signed up for and the answer is gymnastics for Meg and golf for Bailey. That is it. I don't feel the need to fill our every hour with activities. We have fun together and there is always something to do. I am tired of feeling less because my kids aren't in every campplaysummerprogramsportartclassvbs available. They just want to be kids. The school year is filled with running, I think my kids could use some unwinding.

I am working on faith and church and friendships. I won't really talk about this more right now because I'm praying on a lot of things and I don't want outside influences. But I struggle sometimes and I thrive sometimes.

So that's me right now. I am going to unpack some boxes today. I'm not sure I can live like this anymore and I just need to dig in...so here I go!

ps This photo has nothing to do with this post and is just the last picture on my photostream...I love it. She is all pirate. She ran through town yelling "Don't steal the booty" and made a bunch of people laugh.

Hitting the Pavement, again.

I have new goals lined up for 2012 and one of them is maintaining this dusty old blog. I find that I write more if I think someone else may read it. If nobody does, well that's fine too! It just helps me get things down if I think I might have an audience somewhere.


The Monday topic is going to cover Running and Exercise. I fell off the wagon so to speak and I need to hop back on. A couple years ago I quit my closet smoking addiction and filled that time with running. IT WAS HARD. I am not a natural runner at all. On top of the fact that I had damaged my lungs for so long, it was rough. I started walking/running and soon moved on to actual runs. After a couple months I no longer dreaded getting out there, quite honestly I looked forward to it. So much so that I ran a 1/2 marathon in 2010. Then I just stopped. I don't know why. Boredom perhaps? Lack of lofty goals? I'm not sure but once you stop it is so hard to start back up.


I tried last year, I really did. I even was running at a 9.30 mile pace, which is pretty good for me! I just didn't love it anymore. Kip was in school and it was really hard to find the time to get out and go. Really I made a lot of excuses. Tons of them in fact. It was too hot, too cold, I was tired, the kids needed something, I just wanted to relax, I didn't eat right that day...you see it's easy to find excuses, there are thousands.


As of today I'm back in. I ran 2 miles at approx a 10 min pace. Not bad considering the amount of Christmas cookies that have somehow attached themselves to my rear end. My lungs burn. My body hurts. I am starving. But I feel good. So I'm going to try to get back out there tomorrow. If I can get 2-3 miles 5 days a week for a month I'm going to sign up for another Half Marathon. And if I can keep up running until May, I'm going to get new shoes. I love buying running clothes and shoes. I think it was part of the initial addiction. I mean I had to look good while running right? Umm. Wrong. All I really needed was good shoes and I would have been good. If I spent as much time running as I did surfing the web for running gear I could have run a marathon instead! But I really want new shoes, I just don't technically need them yet. I love the ones I have but I think if I run for 5 months more in my old ones I deserve new shoes. So here I am in all my glory. I can't wait for it to warm up so you can actually see the stylish cold running gear I just had to have!

Spartans never leave other Spartans behind!

I have been joining Kip in doing Crossfit workouts for the past few months in order to prepare for the Midwest Spartan Sprint. The description said over 3 miles with mud and obstacles. No big deal right?

We had no clue.

Well it turned out to be around 4 miles of trail through very steep hills, wading mud pools, and more mud with obstacles thrown in, like jumping over fire, crawling under barbed wire, climbing up a soap covered wall, jumping over 9 foot walls, dragging around cinder blocks, carrying a tire up a mud covered hill etc. We were not prepared. It was a great time and I am so happy I did it, but let me tell you being sore is an understatement. I hurt in places I didn't know exist. I would say it was worse than the Half Marathon I ran a couple years ago. I jammed my finger and didn't feel it, my knees are bruised and scratched, and I am overall just plain sore. But again it was so stinkin' fun. I'm really sad they aren't doing a Midwest Sprint next year...just a Super. I am not sure if my body can handle a longer distance.

Here are some before and afters:





If there is one near you I highly recommend doing one. I was humbled at how kind and helpful everyone was. Sure people would run past on the straightaways, but as for the obstacles everyone really pulled together. Strangers were helping strangers. It was awesome!

to be 7 again...

These two have spent the past week together and so far very little fighting. Right now they are pretending to be a band. I'm trying not to laugh because I don't want to embarrass them, but it is so funny what they think the words to the songs are! hahaha

I'm looking into getting a blog overhaul. I don't know that I have the patience to figure it out myself so perhaps I will be purchasing a template somewhere.

The sun.

Feels like summer! It has been crazy here, even for Michigan weather. Either 50's and sunny or 70's and rain. After a long stormy weekend we finally had a gorgeous day yesterday. Not a cloud in the sky. We took advantage of the beautiful city we live in! First we saw some of the Barnyard statues downtown.



Then we walked down to the beach and played on the playground for a bit.


And finally time to cool down in the Compass Fountain.



We really are lucky to live here. I forget how beautiful it is and take it for granted often. It's Bailey's last week of school. We are really excited to have her home with us next week. I have lots of fun things planned. We are currently commitment-free and this is how I plan to keep it! The kids wanted to take another class at the Y but we would miss two of the lessons so we are going to wait. I think we may let Bailey take one Summer Camp session but other than that we are winging it!

So here's to summer!

Changes.

Life has changed since my last post. I lost my job and have been staying at home for the past 4 weeks. Craziness. I am enjoying my time with Megan and am excited for school to be out so we will have Bailey home with us too! I am casually looking for a job. I still really want to go back to school but if the right opportunity came along I certainly wouldn't pass it by. For right now we are just waiting to see what happens.

After going back and forth for about the millionth time we have decided not to sell our house. Seriously, sometimes my husband makes me crazy. I am glad that we are going to stay here a bit. Our house is really a good size for us. We could use a bit more room but it's doable. We are going to work on redoing one room at a time. Right now the focus is the yard. It is a disaster and the rain won't stop. We had new windows installed this week and our room is freshly painted. Just a matter of finishing the final details and we will have one room complete!

We also purchased a mini van. I wasn't super excited at first. I really wanted that cute little mazda 3 that went zoom zoom! But it wasn't really practical for our needs. The Pathfinder only has so many road trips left on it and we were cramped on our drive to Myrtle Beach. We ended up with a Town and Country, fully loaded van. It's nice and roomy. In fact we can't wait to have to drive somewhere to justify the purchase. Dave Ramsey wouldn't be happy with us but we were fairly smart about it. One paid off car/one car payment. It's not too terrible.

Next week starts the week of changing our bodies. I'm not fitting into any of my clothes and I am tired of feeling tired all of the time. I'm not sure if I will be able to run with my leg, but we will be doing some sort of exercize. The food is the biggest change. We are going all CLEAN. Yup. Cleaning out the cupboards and removing anything processed. The kids are going to have a fit. Hopefully they can adjust and will understand the benefits of only eating pure healthy foods.

So that's the update for now. Hope you have a fantastic day!

thank goodness this week is over

First the layout. Made with one of my favorite kits Studio Calico Who's Who. Seriously if you aren't a subscriber why not?! I pretty much stopped scrapbooking from the time Megan was born until she turned 2. Sure I still purchased new stuff and thought about doing it but it just never happened. Last spring I decided that instead of spending my money on stuff that I would never use i would buy one kit a month from Studio Calico. Best decision I ever made! I scrapbook all the time now. Love SC and the community there.

Now the bad week. First Kip was busy all last weekend and had a pretty bad week with work stuff. The problem with IT is you can't do changeovers during business hours so he was gone a LOT and really tired all week. Not really good for his mood ya know?

Then Kip's grandfather passed away. Very sad indeed. He lived a long full life and he was pretty sick towards the end, so it is for the best but still sad regardless. We went and hung out with his mom Wed. afternoon and I wish I could have done more for her. There wasn't a service or funeral, his wishes, so at least she didn't have that to deal with.

Thank goodness we are leaving next week! Myrtle Beach here we come. We are all ready for a break and to escape reality for a bit. Hope you enjoy your weekend! Will try to come back next time with happier news.

10 minutes to kill

So I still have ten minutes left before I have to go back to work. Might as well post on ye old blog that I seem to completely forget about. .

In light of some very sad news I have gathered over the past couple of weeks, I am trying to focus on the good things we have had. Here's my list:

1. Aunt Carole paid a visit! We love a visit from her. She's the perfect Great Aunt for the girls. She loves to spoil them and they love to be spoiled back (and I do not mean by buying things, I mean by actually paying attention to them and loving them so much!).

2. Kip is almost done with his insane schedule. It's been crazy around here. I am pretty sure being a single parent is not for me. He better keep loving me because I'm not giving him a choice!

3. Planning our trip to North and South Carolina. We are all getting very excited to get out of town for the week. We will be staying on the ocean, hopefully the weather will work in out favor.

4. Finally made it thru The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Now I see why so many people loved it. I like that it had just enough foreshadowing to keep you involved, but not enough so that you would pick up on what really happened. Excited to start the next book in the series.

5. We managed to get outside to the park a few times last week. Hooray for warm weather! Of course by warm I mean 50 degrees, but that's a heat wave to us Michigan folk after a long winter.

6. Making my way back into running. I am staying fairly consistant with a pace of 9:30 per mile, which is where I left off last year. I'm trying to get under 9:00 by June but I'm taking it easy to avoid injury. Just running a couple miles every other day until I feel myself getting stronger. My calf muscle is acting up again so I am being very careful.

And with that I must be off. Hope you have a great week!

Merry Christmas!

So it's Christmas Eve and we still fight every day to get Megan to eat. She is so stubborn. When after a half hour of fighting with her we told her she needed to eat or she couldn't open her Christmas Eve present...surely that would change her mind right? WRONG. She said "Ok." and went to bed. I swear my hair is going to be all gray by her next birthday. (she did eventually get up and take a couple more bites but it took some coaxing from Kip.)

The stockings are hung, reindeer food on the lawn, we have been tracking santa and baking cookies all day. Just waiting for the big guy to arrive. Hard to believe it is almost over.

Now you must indulge me for a moment. My favorite kit club where I order all of my scrapbook goodness is having a contest. I need to make a Christmas list for their site. These are all my favorite things I haven't managed to snag just yet, with Christmas I had to be good.

1. Doilies Stamp
2. Mister Huey MH in Apple Jack and Lunchtray
3. Tweets Rub-ons
4. Noah Alphabet

Of course there are new inks and all kinds of fun things I would buy from the shop but these are on my wishlist for January!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

scrapbook space

There is a discussion going on about small scrapbook spaces. We all share a basement together, no fancy room for me. I like that I get to be with my family. I don't think I would ever scrapbook if I were by myself somewhere. So this is our lovely basement. (We didn't really think we would still be here or that pink carpet would be gone by now.)



As you can see my side is on the left and Kip's side is on the right. Sometimes this is good and sometimes...well he plays games and yells.



This is the top of my desk. We bought this folding table as a make-do type thing until I could find the desk I really wanted. Again we thought we were moving and didn't want to buy furniture until after that. The little box houses my newest Studio Calico kit and the tins have pens/twine/jute in them.

Here is a better picture of the whole area. Nothing fancy but it works. I don't know how I have scrapped for 7 years and this is all I have but it's true! The blue tub has my sc kits in it. I need to figure out a better place for it but my cat is addicted to chewing on plastic and she isn't allowed near my kits! It's the only place that is safe. I keep my ink pads in the bread box. I tried to put my mists in there but they were too tall with the lids on and I couldn't handle having them without lids on. You can't see it but my sewing machine is on the floor. I just pull it up to use it. The pink basket is recycling.

And then what isn't photo'd is the rest of the room which houses all of the children's toys, our tv, wii equipment, kid's computer and craft desk, and couch.


So there it is. I didn't even clean it up for you. :)

Pets

Our out of focus friends. I will be back to do a post marathon post tonight.

Summer is here!

Bailey had her last day of school. We will miss Mrs. Crawford very much. She was an excellent teacher and was a wonderful person. I think she set a great example for Bailey for what school is like and taught her many very important skills both socially and academically. I spent a lot of time in the school this year volunteering for the class and helping with the school store. It feels like family when you walk in, I just love it there. We are very lucky considering the anxiety I had last year this time praying that Bailey would be accepted into their school of choice program.

I finally finished a layout. This kit has me stumped. I don't know why, it seemed so my style and I just have the most difficult time using it. I did this one last night for the Studio Calico Sunday Sketch Challenge . I really am happy with how it turned out, that is one of the best pictures I have of Kip's grandparents. Grandpa normally doesn't smile at all.

Miss Bailey attended yet another fabulous birthday party for her friend Katie. A friend of theirs painted all of the girls faces, she did an amazing job. If we end up doing a sleepover party I'm pretty sure we will be hiring her to come to Bailey's. It was really glittery when she first had it done but by the time we got home alot of it had rubbed off.

I had coffee with a friend and we attempted to go find garage sales yesterday but we were pretty much rained out. I didn't find any of the treasures that I was after, I did get a brand new AE sweater though for a buck, score!

Miss Megan is potty training today. So far we have had one accident and one success. I will take that over our previous attempts (this is our first success ever lol.)

Just as I was going to post this we have an update, we had another accident followed by 2 successes.

And that's our week.

in my absence we...

We shopped at the best toy store around. It's quaint and charming and filled with wonder for kids.

We inspected the dog statues downtown.

We ran in the new fountain for the first time.

We have spent at least 4 days at the beach already! We flew kites and played at playgrounds. We even swam a little last week.

We had Grandpa Roy visit and took him Angi, Dorothy, and Alice to see the carousal.

Soccer has come and gone. Bailey scored several goals this year and has decided she wants to play again. School is almost over. One more week and it will be summer vacation. We are going to miss her teacher, she's the best and has taught Bailey so much this year. I probably don't give myself enough credit, I'm sure the fact that we read with her every. single. day. has added to her love of learning.

I celebrated my 32nd birthday and Mother's Day. Now it's Memorial Weekend and Megan has a tummy bug. It really stinks. I had looked forward to lots of time outside, bbqs, and fun. Hopefully she gets better today and nobody else gets it. It wasn't alot of fun last night. However, since I was up already I was able to look thru the http://studiocalico.com/ gallery while she watched cartoons, and I am so excited for the June kit to come! Makes me want to get outside and take lots of pictures. The kit is so bright and fun this month, very summery. The main is honestly my favorite this month although I did add Rec League and a few goodies to my cart. I also managed to swipe Martha's monarch butterfly punch at M's today, it was even on sale.

Well I am off to tend to the little and get her back up and running. Oh speaking of running, umm my husband signed us up to run a 1/2 marathon June 19th. We've had to kick it in gear to prepare and went from 3 miles to 5 miles to 7 miles in three weeks. I'm pretty sure I have some sort of injury in my left calf, but only 3 weeks til the race so I'm going to muster through the pain, probaby doing serious damage that I will later regret.

oh and one other thing, guess who is going to see David Gray in August for our 5 year anniversary? me, that's who! So terribly excited I can't even stand it.

And I am officially a "soccer mom", tho ill-prepared

Bailey had her first soccer game today. It was freezing! 49 degrees with a windchill that had to have brought it down another 10 degrees. I didn't bring hats or gloves for anyone. No blanket for us sitting on the sidelines. No cash for the concession stand. I totally failed. Bailey doesn't really know though, she just had a good time. They were so cute, a little herd of children running around the field chasing the ball. No goalies, no scores...just good fun. My favorite was when she was going the wrong way. haha. I said before they even started I bet she runs the wrong way if she gets it, sure enough. Grandma treated us to Pizza Hut after the game since Bailey played so well.

Miss Megan is so sick. She's scaring me. She fell asleep playing rockband, literally fell asleep on top of the guitar. It was very pitiful, and that child is not one to just crash so she must not be feeling well at all. Her temp is around 102 right now so we are keeping a close eye on her. Kip is sick too and I haven't felt the best, while Bailey has a cough. Who wants to come over?!?

We did manage to make up my Amish Friendship Bread that we have been *mushing* for 10 days. Today was finally the day and it is yummy. I read on the internet that you can make it without the starter part so I might have to experiment and see if they are right.

Off to do a little relaxing.

it feels like summer

The picture above is the "almost" sleepover the girls had. As it turns out it wasn't a good idea and Megan is still too little for sleepovers with big sis, what a shocker...not really.

Today was a fantastic day and not one single picture to be had. It was just beautiful out, 80's with a nice breeze. After school Bailey had a play date and so we packed up a lunch and went to the park. We ended up having a super playdate because 2 other friends were at the park and they went crazy. The kids played for 2 hours and Megan had finally had enough. When we got home Meg didn't see more than 2 minutes of Dora before passing out on the couch.

Later Bailey had her very first soccer practice, cutest thing ever! I was so worried because the coach didn't seem to be very organized but she was just the nicest person. She was very kind and patient and she made Bailey feel very welcome with the other girls. It was very cute to see them all play. Poor Megan kept saying all day "play soccer ball with Bailey." She didn't even notice she wasn't with the big girls. I was smart and brought her Dora ball with us so she would have something to kick around. The practice was only about 15 minutes and her first game will be on Saturday.

Not much else to report, pretty normal day. I'm tired from all the fresh air. I'm not sure how late I'm going to make it tonight.

Yay it's Tuesday!

Not really. Tuesday isn't really that great other than it's no longer Monday. Although Glee and parenthood are both on tonight, that's exciting! And it's really amazing what is considered exciting to me now that I have kids. Ten years ago exciting would have been an impromptu trip to the casino at 2am, or going to see a concert at the last second. Now exciting is getting to watch a television show about a Glee Club lol. Funny how life changes.

This past weekend we spent Saturday doing some shopping in South Bend. It was a good time, although I was pretty tired. We finally ate at 5 Guys Burgers and Fries and it was super good. I have a feeling every time I cheat on my diet from now on it is going to be there. And by diet I mean trying to eat healthy and as clean as possible, not fad dieting, I don't do that. So after lunch we ventured to the mall and got some new spring clothes for everyone. I only got a couple of shirts at AE. It's hard because a) I tend to buy work clothes when I get new stuff even though I really need casual clothes and b) I intend on being at least a size smaller in the next month or two so I really don't want to buy a whole lot of stuff. After the mall we went to get Bailey her soccer stuff and then out to dinner.

Megan took a good sized chunk out of her head yesterday. The poor thing doesn't have much hair to begin with she doesnt need any help! I cannot wait for nice weather so we can go outside, the children need fresh air. Bailey is actually playing with a friend right now and they are getting along so well, I'm very happy about this.

Here's a layout I did for Studio Calico's sketch challenge. I kid you not this layout took me 3 hours, AND I WAS COPYING FROM A SKETCH! I hate circles and this didn't come out anything like I envisioned it in my head. Oh well, it's for the kids anyways. Another memory down, a million more to go.

Happy belated Easter. Spring break is almost over, although it wasn't really much of a spring break for us in rainy Michigan.

We had a great weekend with my sister, brother in law, niece and nephew. The girls got along so well as did the little ones. We ended up at Curious Kids Discovery Zone on Saturday since it was pouring down rain. The kids had loads of fun and road the merry go round. When we were leaving there was a "live statue" in the lobby area. Bailey no sooner asked if he was real when he moved and waved at them. The poor thing freaked out! She started crying and hid behind me while the 2 year olds laughed and waved at him. The little ones thought he was just the best. It was quite humorous.

Bailey stayed the night at Kip's parent's house on Sunday and went golfing and out to a movie. I took Megan to the library and the park. I watched The Hurt Locker finally...it was so good even though I had issues watching it. I thought my blood pressure was going to sky rocket it was so suspenseful at times. Watched Into the Wild last night which was very disappointing. Music was good but that's about it. I really wanted to love it too which made it even more of a disappointment.

Today we are heading to meet friends for lunch at McD's so the kids can play (it is still raining). Then Bailey is going to stay the night at her friend's house and we are going to come back and relax. I cleaned the whole house last night in anticipation for my Studio Calico kit which is driving around St Joseph right now. New pics ordered and all. It's going to be a scrappy day!

I better get showered and the last of this laundry done so I can truly relax today!

Kelly