how do you say goodbye?

This is the saddest weekend ever. There are things in life that stink and this is one of them. I've lost many loved pets before but this one is ripping my heart in half. The waiting is the worst. She became sick on Saturday and have had to just stand by and wait until Monday. We love our Emma girl so much. It's the girl's first real experience with death. To them they are losing not just a pet but a friend. I will spare the words that they have said, but it's been pretty horrible. The "why does she have to go?" questions are too much to bear. It's just so so sad.

When I was pregnant with Bailey I lost my college cat. I was heart broken. I was moving in with Kip and his cat didn't like me. I'm not really sure how it happened but one day at work a friend said that she knew someone with kittens. I drove there after work and brought this tiny meowing kitty back with me. Kip didn't really want another cat, but with my pregnant hormones raging he agreed. It wasn't long before he was just as smitten with her as I was.

We will miss the lump that is always under our covers. She would snuggle in underneath and sleep all day. Around 7pm she would come wandering about. At bed time she would walk around and meow for a few minutes before coming back to our bed with us. I will miss Megan's little voice saying "heyyyy girl" and kissing her head. I will miss Bailey chasing her around and trying to carry her. I will miss hearing Kip say "there's no room for you cat!" as she snuggles up on his lap no matter if there is room or not (he always made room). I will miss hearing "you're her cat" and pointing to me because there was a time when it was quite clear Emma preferred Kip over me. She LOVED to be scratched by her tail and would sit for hours and let you do that. She also tolerated the dog. They never really played together but she made it clear that she was in charge and he obeyed. We would come home and the dog would be on the back of the couch and she would be on the seat. They had a friendship and I'm sure he will be sad without her.

She was grouchy but in a funny way. She was very sweet when she wanted to be but for the most part she kept to herself. She used to bite Megan all the time when she was little :). She was not a "kid" cat by any means but I think she loved them just the same. For never being an outdoor cat she had hunter instincts and killed the few mice that had snuck into our home. When she was a kitten she would make a nest in my very long hair and knead her little kitten claws into my head.

Nine years just isn't fair. She should have much more life to spend with us. We will miss her dearly and think of her with fondness. We love you Emma.

2 months in

2 months in and I'm still unpacking. I am so close to being done. It's hard when it's HOT outside and the beautiful lake is calling. There are so many unexpected things that I'm slowly getting used to, things that I didn't think would bother me. And things that I thought would be an issue are not really at all.

The air conditioners and house fan. The heat does not bother me like I thought but the noise from all of the units running are driving me crazy. By the end of the day I cannot wait to shut everything off and have quiet. The constant buzzing everywhere takes some getting used to.

I'm noticing the lack of windows on the side of the house that we spend most of our time in. I'm thinking that if it is structurally feasible we will put windows in on either side of the fireplace some day. I find myself always wanting to be in the office because I can see outside.

There is a wall that separates where you walk in from the kitchen. It's a little strange to people first coming in. They don't know what way to go. I don't think there is anything we can do about it. I wouldn't mind opening up the doorways a bit wider so that there is less wall. This of course is a dream for 10 years from now :).

I cannot talk myself into picking up a paintbrush. We still have 2 rooms that need painting upstairs and two hallways. I think about it constantly but I just cannot bring myself to start.

Overall I'm happy with the house. Once it's closer to being finished I'm sure it will feel more like home. I still feel like we are living in someone else's house. I do know that we need rugs. The bedrooms echo terribly and little girl screeches are magnified!

Happy Monday!

I am.

I started writing this post titled "I am." After I read it I realized that it was just a bunch of whining. Really I have nothing to be upset about. I've been feeling a lot of disappointed thoughts lately but really the only person who can change that is myself. So I am rewriting this post with a positive twist.

I am grateful for this home that we cannot completely remodel in one month. It is far too much work and money for it to be perfect. Our family makes it a home anyways, not the trim or the 80's ceiling fans. I'm learning to let go.

I am patiently waiting to see what my next career move is. I had two opportunities materialize and now they seem to be fading. I am trying to figure out what it all means and once again should I just be happy where I am. I dreamed that I would run companies and head marketing campaigns, I thought I would teach children and change lives...maybe the lives I'm changing are right here in this house. I am okay with that.

I am blessed beyond measure for my husband. I've been giving a lot of thought on our relationship and how we can sustain it for the next 50+ years. We are so good together, I don't want to ever lose sight of that.

I am ready for summer. To sleep in and stay up late. To smell the beach on my kids and wash their stinky feet covered in the adventures from our day. Everyone asks what I have my kids signed up for and the answer is gymnastics for Meg and golf for Bailey. That is it. I don't feel the need to fill our every hour with activities. We have fun together and there is always something to do. I am tired of feeling less because my kids aren't in every campplaysummerprogramsportartclassvbs available. They just want to be kids. The school year is filled with running, I think my kids could use some unwinding.

I am working on faith and church and friendships. I won't really talk about this more right now because I'm praying on a lot of things and I don't want outside influences. But I struggle sometimes and I thrive sometimes.

So that's me right now. I am going to unpack some boxes today. I'm not sure I can live like this anymore and I just need to dig in...so here I go!

ps This photo has nothing to do with this post and is just the last picture on my photostream...I love it. She is all pirate. She ran through town yelling "Don't steal the booty" and made a bunch of people laugh.

Hitting the Pavement, again.

I have new goals lined up for 2012 and one of them is maintaining this dusty old blog. I find that I write more if I think someone else may read it. If nobody does, well that's fine too! It just helps me get things down if I think I might have an audience somewhere.


The Monday topic is going to cover Running and Exercise. I fell off the wagon so to speak and I need to hop back on. A couple years ago I quit my closet smoking addiction and filled that time with running. IT WAS HARD. I am not a natural runner at all. On top of the fact that I had damaged my lungs for so long, it was rough. I started walking/running and soon moved on to actual runs. After a couple months I no longer dreaded getting out there, quite honestly I looked forward to it. So much so that I ran a 1/2 marathon in 2010. Then I just stopped. I don't know why. Boredom perhaps? Lack of lofty goals? I'm not sure but once you stop it is so hard to start back up.


I tried last year, I really did. I even was running at a 9.30 mile pace, which is pretty good for me! I just didn't love it anymore. Kip was in school and it was really hard to find the time to get out and go. Really I made a lot of excuses. Tons of them in fact. It was too hot, too cold, I was tired, the kids needed something, I just wanted to relax, I didn't eat right that day...you see it's easy to find excuses, there are thousands.


As of today I'm back in. I ran 2 miles at approx a 10 min pace. Not bad considering the amount of Christmas cookies that have somehow attached themselves to my rear end. My lungs burn. My body hurts. I am starving. But I feel good. So I'm going to try to get back out there tomorrow. If I can get 2-3 miles 5 days a week for a month I'm going to sign up for another Half Marathon. And if I can keep up running until May, I'm going to get new shoes. I love buying running clothes and shoes. I think it was part of the initial addiction. I mean I had to look good while running right? Umm. Wrong. All I really needed was good shoes and I would have been good. If I spent as much time running as I did surfing the web for running gear I could have run a marathon instead! But I really want new shoes, I just don't technically need them yet. I love the ones I have but I think if I run for 5 months more in my old ones I deserve new shoes. So here I am in all my glory. I can't wait for it to warm up so you can actually see the stylish cold running gear I just had to have!

Spartans never leave other Spartans behind!

I have been joining Kip in doing Crossfit workouts for the past few months in order to prepare for the Midwest Spartan Sprint. The description said over 3 miles with mud and obstacles. No big deal right?

We had no clue.

Well it turned out to be around 4 miles of trail through very steep hills, wading mud pools, and more mud with obstacles thrown in, like jumping over fire, crawling under barbed wire, climbing up a soap covered wall, jumping over 9 foot walls, dragging around cinder blocks, carrying a tire up a mud covered hill etc. We were not prepared. It was a great time and I am so happy I did it, but let me tell you being sore is an understatement. I hurt in places I didn't know exist. I would say it was worse than the Half Marathon I ran a couple years ago. I jammed my finger and didn't feel it, my knees are bruised and scratched, and I am overall just plain sore. But again it was so stinkin' fun. I'm really sad they aren't doing a Midwest Sprint next year...just a Super. I am not sure if my body can handle a longer distance.

Here are some before and afters:





If there is one near you I highly recommend doing one. I was humbled at how kind and helpful everyone was. Sure people would run past on the straightaways, but as for the obstacles everyone really pulled together. Strangers were helping strangers. It was awesome!

to be 7 again...

These two have spent the past week together and so far very little fighting. Right now they are pretending to be a band. I'm trying not to laugh because I don't want to embarrass them, but it is so funny what they think the words to the songs are! hahaha

I'm looking into getting a blog overhaul. I don't know that I have the patience to figure it out myself so perhaps I will be purchasing a template somewhere.

The sun.

Feels like summer! It has been crazy here, even for Michigan weather. Either 50's and sunny or 70's and rain. After a long stormy weekend we finally had a gorgeous day yesterday. Not a cloud in the sky. We took advantage of the beautiful city we live in! First we saw some of the Barnyard statues downtown.



Then we walked down to the beach and played on the playground for a bit.


And finally time to cool down in the Compass Fountain.



We really are lucky to live here. I forget how beautiful it is and take it for granted often. It's Bailey's last week of school. We are really excited to have her home with us next week. I have lots of fun things planned. We are currently commitment-free and this is how I plan to keep it! The kids wanted to take another class at the Y but we would miss two of the lessons so we are going to wait. I think we may let Bailey take one Summer Camp session but other than that we are winging it!

So here's to summer!